A Royal Pain in the Neck (Get It?)

Two nights ago at Pittsburgh’s Benedum Center for the Performing Arts, I saw Puccini’s 1926 opera Turandot for the first time.  I’d previously seen and liked his operas La bohème and Tosca, but this one–his final one, left unfinished due to his death–ranked above them, at least in this production.  I liked the melodies, the forceful performances, the detailed sets, the ornate costumes, and the eye-popping color.  Also, having Chinese characters sing in Italian epitomizes proto-multiculturalism.

However, I found certain aspects of the plot questionable.  Because someone had raped and murdered her female ancestor centuries earlier, the virginal Princess Turandot has vowed that no man will ever get freak-kay with her.  She poses three riddles to each suitor who approaches her, and has him decapitated when he doesn’t answer them all correctly; within three years, twenty-six men have literally lost their heads in public executions attended by the entire kingdom (and I mean entire kingdom; unlike some sparsely-cast operas I’ve seen at the Benedum, at least this one doesn’t stint on the background extras or on a massive fake moon).  Yes, lots of guys have always found nasty gals arousing, but even the lustiest sucker would at least think for a moment before approaching such a brutal, bloodthirsty woman.

Eventually, her latest suitor, an unnamed prince, answers the three riddles correctly, then announces that he will forfeit his life if Turandot can guess his identity by morning.  To discover the prince’s identity and thus prevent him from burying the Little Prince inside her royal vault, she has a comic-relief character torture the prince’s slave girl onstage (a plot development not especially amusing today, considering America still has a massive, post-9/11 torture-boner).

Anyway, in an ending written by someone else (but that Puccini might have approved of, considering the era’s gender-related brainwashing), the prince overpowers Turandot and turns her into a passive, lovestruck girly-girl.  The moral: keep dames in their place, hardly an unknown moral in Puccini’s time or in any other time.  Another, possible moral: women can justify their existence by behaving as savagely as men.  Also: single women can destroy society.  If both sexes had equally ruled the cultural sphere for centuries, this opera might have turned out differently, though I suppose few opera fans expect enlightened sexual politics–or enlightened politics in general (representative democracy rules!)–from such a genre prone to excess and camp.

April 1-2, 2017 (revised April 10, 2017)

Copyright © 2017 by David V. Matthews

Flash Fiction (a Hundred Words or Fewer) #19: Caesura

Ms. Greenberg called it her caesura: her daily break in her eight-hour workplace melody—more like a dirge, she sometimes joked.  Fancy vocabulary words added syllabic class to any day, she felt, although a steaming cappuccino from the break room’s coffeemaker—a sleek gray machine that looked futuristic in her blocky beige office building—also helped improve her life, in a joltin’ kinda way.

Some coffeemakers (but not that one) now have Bluetooth built in, she thought during her last caesura.  Her electric toothbrush had Bluetooth—a Bluetoothbrush, heh.  She sipped her cappuccino and thanked Jebus for wordplay, heh heh.

Copyright © 2017 by David V. Matthews

Flash Fiction (a Hundred Words or Fewer) #18: Literally Hitler

Over dinner at her favorite Greek restaurant, Denton’s girlfriend of six months dumped him because he’d “grown too fucking right-wing,” as she told him in that low, affectless manner he used to find seductive for whatever reason.  (They’d met in 2016 on a pro-Trump dating site.)  “Have fun with your alt-Reich buddies,” she said, getting up to leave.

“I will, bitch, ’cause I’m literally Hitler, ha ha,” he said, quoting an alt-right meme that spoofs whiny libtard bullshit by facetiously comparing someone or something to you-know-who.  (Denton thought the shrimp Santorini he’d just eaten ranked a little higher than Stalin.)

Copyright © 2017 by David V. Matthews (revised March 15-16, 2017)

Cherry

So I’m walkin’ down the street yesterday, mindin’ my own business, when I see this hippie kid.  He looks real grimy and has dreadlocks down to his butt, and he’s wearin’ one of those ponchos with the Inca designs on them.  Have I mentioned it’s the hipster part of town?  Lots of hippie panhandlers there.  Hipsters and hippies, ha ha.  So anyways, he’s sittin’ on the sidewalk cross-legged, and he doesn’t say anything, he’s just holdin’ a sign, a sheet of cardboard from a cardboard box, and the sign says I NEED MONEY FOR BOOZE AND DRUGS.  So I tell him, I say “I admire your honesty. Have you gotten much money?” And he says “Gimme some money, and I’ll tell you.”  Smart kid.  So I give him a dollar, and he says “Thanks.  I’ve just sat down here. You’re the first person I’ve met today.” So I laugh and say “Well, I’m honored,” and he laughs, and I walk away lookin’ amused, but inside, I’m actually pissed, ’cause I’ve never liked poppin’ someone’s cherry, so to speak.  Too creepy.

Copyright © 2017 by David V.Matthews

 

Flash Fiction (a Hundred Words or Fewer) #17: Anti-businesslike

At the library today, I browsed through a new release: a memoir from a sixteen-year-old girl who’d had a bicycling accident five years earlier and permanently turned into a quadriplegic.  She offers lots of advice about overcoming adversity, though I learned something else from her: never, ever do anything.  Anything can ruin your life.

Anyway, the book has a coauthor.  Did he work simply for the money, or did he have an emotional investment in her story (no pun intended)?  If the latter, did he drink heavily, smoke lots of weed, or do anything else to alleviate his anti-businesslike heart?

 

Copyright © 2017 by David V. Matthews