Extreme Juvenilia Times 2

Give Me Liberty, 1976

Roots, 1977

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Flash Fiction (a Hundred Words or Fewer) #21: Racial Realist

Sluggerz Sports Bar:

“I heard Ms. Bitch got knocked up,” Denton said.

“Nooo, that virginal young maiden?” Jeff said.  “You know who did it?”

“Some black guy, allegedly her fee-yon-say.”

Pause.

“Are you a racial realist?” Jeff asked.

“Hell yeah.”

“Me too.”  Pause.  “So what’s your ethnic background?”

“Anglo-Irish.  What’s yours?”

“Anglo-Russian.”

“Yeah, here’s to Russia.  The biggest white power in the world.”

They sip their beers.

“Don’t get too drunk, you Irish bastard,” Jeff said.

“You shouldn’t gulp your beer.  It’s not Putin’s sperm,” Denton said.

Meanwhile, Ms. Birch and her fiancé looked on-line at home for baby clothes.

Copyright © 2017 by David V. Matthews

Flash Fiction (a Hundred Words or Fewer) #20: Free Helicopter Ride

Denton’s supervisor, Ms. Birch, caught him posting on his alt-right blog as she walked past his cubicle.  She told him to get back to work and left.

“Ms. Bitch needs a free helicopter ride,” he told his coworker Jeff later in the break room, using alt-right argot.  (South-American dictatorships used to eliminate their political opponents by dropping them from helicopters into the sea.)

“No, you should give her Ebola instead,” Jeff replied.  “Maybe she’d infect a bunch of snowflakes.  More cost-effective, in other words.”

What a true friend, Denton thought as he reached for a cruller.  True friendship rocks.

Copyright © 2017 by David V. Matthews

 

In Liu of closure

My actual dream last night: I open the newspaper to the comics section to read that day’s Mark Trail; in the strip’s place, however, I see a huge chunk of text from the strip’s current writer/artist, James Allen, superimposed over a desert landscape scene.  Allen explains that he had planned to wrap up the current kidnapping plot by introducing “a Lucy Liu-type” who helps Mark kick the bald bad guy’s butt and save the day.  However, Allen has suffered a major heart attack and no longer has the stamina to draw; as a result, the syndicate has chosen to discontinue the strip, effective immediately.  (How many of you consider it nightmarish to get denied seeing even a faux Liu kick butt?)

I have never dreamed about any newspaper comic strip until now.

Copyright © 2017 by David V. Matthews

Introducing Lyrics without Music!

This Bar Goes into a Guy (September 16-17, 1999)

A Sport of Measurable Discipline (January 11-12, 1999/August 22, 2011)

Has-been Party (December 4, 1998/August 22, 2011)

In That Bicentennial Year (September 10-11, 1998/April 20, 2017) (featuring Tennessee Tuxedo, pictured above)

Hell Is Other People (May 6, 1996)

Modern-day Teenagers in Love (April 29, 1996/April 20, 2017)