David V. Matthews

Flash fiction (a hundred words or fewer) #10: Benza

I work in a corporate hellhole—so much for that Master of Library Science Degree I’m still paying off ten years after graduating. A lot of my coworkers rag on non-Americans and teeter on poverty’s edge and support Trump, because Republicanism equals livin’ large and kickin’ ass. In undergrad school, I would sometimes attend parties as my Eurotrash alter ego Jacques Benza, ripping on drunken preppies: “I like ze Bud Light, ze bevvaridge for real men, no?”

Everyone loved him. A little Benza would improve my office; too bad my sense of humor has vanished. Benza: the next generation, no?

Flash fiction (a hundred words or fewer) #9: The Mechanical Bull

In 1991, my college-freshman stupidity almost reached epic heights at the redneck bar, when I drunkenly accepted a fifty-dollar bet from some guy to ride the mechanical bull at top speed for half a minute. Which I did. Then I got off and puked all over the blonde sexpot I’d had my eye on all night. “Don’t drink and ride!” I shouted to everyone’s amusement (but not hers). Then my college-freshman stupidity definitely reached epic heights when I—no, sorry, too incriminating, ha ha ha. Seriously, I haven’t achieved untouchable, grand-old-man status at my job just yet. But maybe someday.

Site unseen? I hope not!

DVM holding meltdown book 2015 detail

Yes, I’ve finally entered the Twentieth Century by starting a website named after myself. I realize websites have long grown ubiquitous (you can’t spell “common” without “com,” after all), but I hope this one adds something more individualistic to cyberspace than the 95,475,203,405,137th Batman-slapping-Robin meme. This site will feature my writing and art; detailed accounts of my escapades; information about the book Meltdown in the Cereal Aisle and the documentary Aspie Seeks Love; and the requisite quirkiness. Have a swell time here!