Quintuple the Quality? You Betcha!

Goodwill, East Liberty, Pittsburgh, January 3, 2019, 11:04 AM.  Photo by David Matthews.


Flash Fiction (a Hundred Words or Fewer) #53: THE BEATINGS WILL CONTINUE UNTIL MORALE IMPROVES

Jess liked her job, except for the printed-out meme taped inside the cubicle to her right: a photo of a snarling gray kitten, fur standing on end, above THE BEATINGS WILL CONTINUE UNTIL MORALE IMPROVES.  As a survivor of corporal punishment during her childhood, from parents and teachers alike, she wished people would not treat physical abuse so flippantly, a wish she would have expressed to that neighboring coworker, if Jess hadn’t noticed something that (to her) precluded discussion: the TRUMP THAT BITCH bumper sticker on the coworker’s SUV—the perfect sticker for such a vehicle or vice-versa, Jess thought.

Copyright © 2019 by David V. Matthews (currently 53 himself)


I love my brother, but he can be a real dumbass sometimes.  Like, one day, this girl I know named Livvy was walking home from school, when she saw my brother and his friend Ryan.  Those last two call themselves the Dudes, after that movie about the hippie who bowls?  Anyways, my brother told her, he said “Hey, little lady!  Wanna join us for a threesome?”  Oh, she’s twelve, and the Dudes are eighteen.  So Livvy, she went home and Googled “threesome” and freaked out, then told her parents everything, and her parents, they freaked out and then called the cops.  So the Dudes, they had a little talk with the cops, separately.  Ryan said all that threesome shit was my brother’s idea, while my brother said it was all Ryan’s.  But they both said they were just joking around, that they didn’t go for young girls.  So as it turned out, neither of them got arrested or nothing, maybe ’cause they’re white and Livvy’s black, which sucks—not her race, my boyfriend’s black by the way, but the whole thing sucks ’cause the Dudes, like, didn’t go to jail and get beaten or waterboarded or whatever happens to pedophiles behind bars, even fake pedophiles.  Maybe a little of that rough treatment would have worked wonders.  I really don’t care about Ryan, but my brother, he needs some of the dumbass-ness knocked out of him if he doesn’t wanna end up with life without parole for being a dick.  My family, like, values its reputation.

Copyright © 2019 by David V. Matthews


The Aughts NEEDED Dapper Bespectacled Robots!

Sketchbook pages:

Two Patriotic Points and “Continental Drift” by Kyle Fischer, April 4, 2006

If We All Get the Faces We Deserve by the Time We’re Forty, Then Jim Shooter’s Face Is That of a Man Who Can’t Be Trusted, August 15, 2003

First in War, August 14, 2003

Freakin’ Thomas Dolby!, August 19, 2002

Carol Saftner &c., August 19, 1998/March 31, 2002

“Harmony” and “The Equalizer” by Clinic &c., March 28, 2002

The Opening to The Bullwinkle Show &c., October 25, 2000-November 29, 2000